It was the summer of 2015 and I was sick for the billionth time. No energy, feeling in the dumps, couldn’t shake a cough that seemed to be cracking open my chest, hardly sleeping, and couldn't think straight. Also, my restless leg syndrome was getting worse. It was a sucky summer. But I had a caring friend who gave me one of the best gifts I’ve ever received: two essential oils, lavender and lemon. Now, like many, I’ve heard about essential oils. I use to think, “Oh that’s cool but they’re kinda expensive for such little bottles of plant and tree oil.” Also, I had no clue what they were really used for; I just thought they were appealing in the idea that they drew people closer to nature and its natural properties. Yet, I slowly began learning more from my friend and her mom about how they heal our physical bodies, balance our emotions, and deepen our spiritual growth. At first I was hesitant, because it sounded like a New Age slogan! So I began to do my own research, not only as a history student who loves all various forms and eras involving history but also as a person strongly rooted in a faith that takes the Bible seriously. It turns out, essential oils are not a new way of thinking or form of improving one’s well being! In fact, it goes all the way back to ancient history, and was very much included in every day life. But oils weren't just some ancient practice either; they have been used for centuries. It is us contemporaries who are missing out. And, sure, scientific medicine and technology has greatly improved our life, but many of us are beginning to realize it was never meant to replace essential oils. There are some really great resources out there that will give you all the facts and amazing truths about essential oils on how they can change your life for the absolute better, but I am just gonna give you my story. And not just about essential oils, because they were the start to unpacking much more about health. Now, I don’t know about you, but I am kinda tired of hearing over and over how everything is messed up in our world, even if it is true. World hunger, human trafficking, political upheaval, terrorism, animal cruelty, harmful food processing, water pollution, taxes, your boss’ hatred for the UCLA Bruins, family arguments, breakups, and, oh, don’t forget about how we need to take Gregory the goldfish to the vet for the third time! I mean who else wants to hear that you’ve got something else wrong with your life and how the world you live in is about to end?! Show of hands? We give so much of our money, time, resources, dreams, and emotions into trying to make things better….. Sometimes we just get sick and tired of hearing that we have something else to work on, to make better, to change. The thing is that we can’t do it all, and nor were we really meant to understand it all. Each of us has our part to play. While some of us are called to discover the solutions, others are to spread the news, and others are to take part in making the solutions possible. We obviously live in a time with a ton of information at our finger tips, but have found very few answers to our questions. And many of those who are trying to sell an answer don’t even have an answer themselves! Anyway, I could go on and on but this is how I felt about my own health — I didn’t want to deal with it really because I had SO many other issues around me that I had to concentrate on. Yet…… I had no energy for these so called “other issues” I have to fill my life with. Long story short, I realized that I don’t need to be healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually so I could fill my life with more negativity that I somehow needed to fix; I need to be healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually so I can be equipped and capable to live out conquering the challenges I was created to overcome. If I cannot take care of me, how can I be capable of caring for others and meeting specific needs, while enjoying the blessings of victories? I took those two essential oils my friend gave me and used them everyday. I didn’t get sick once for a straight year and a half, and my restless leg syndrome went away! This past Christmas, my parents paid for my membership with Young Living Essential Oils, where I received a beautiful assorted package of different oils and a diffuser. I felt like the happiest person alive. I seriously cannot imagine life without my oils. They help me balance my well being in all aspects, even in ways I was not aware of until I learned more about essential oils. I still have a lot to learn but I know I am on the right track by simply using them. What I have come to learn is that your health is not another negativity in your life. In fact, focusing on your health can help you accomplish your destiny. Some people believe that health is only a “let’s live forever” goal, and it shouldn’t be, although living many years is a wonderful privilege. Health should be about preparing and equipping yourself to accomplish what God has for you in this life. What if God wants you to travel the world, but you're immune system is always poor and you don’t have the energy to pack and go all the time? Or, what if God wants you to help those who are emotionally hurt, but you haven’t dealt with your own emotional hurt so you can’t possibly imagine how you could help others? Obviously, I am talking about more than physical healing, although it can be connected. It’s not necessarily about how long you can go in this life, it’s about how well you live this life that has been given to you. Did you know that Jesus was a fan of oils?! That’s right ladies and gentlemen — over two thousand years ago, Jesus was teaching His disciples to heal those who were sick with prayer and OILS! I grew up being taught that anointing oil mentioned in the Bible was only a symbolic ritual of God’s grace, glory, healing, and sacrifice. And I still believe it is all these things, but I also believe it is way more than just symbolical. God knew before scientists figured it out (He created them soooo you knowwww), that essential oils have incredible healing properties that can only heal us positively, unlike pharmaceutical medicines. Want to hear something even crazier? Some scientists are even discovering that saying a prayer while putting on essential oils increases the chances of healing our bodies!!! Like what?! Anyway, I’ve been reading this crazy, amazing information in an introduction to a book called “Healing Oils of the Bible” by David Stewart, Ph.D. He says something that has been challenging me to learn more about not just my physical health, but how God reveals Himself through healing in all aspects: “Prayer can work without oils. Oils can work without prayer. When both are used together, each increases the power of the other such that their combined ability to heal is greater than the sum of the two. This is no coincidence. It was programmed into the oils by God from their creation. Prayer and oils were meant to be used together.” Becoming a member with Young Living has not only given me the purest oils in the world while helping thousands of people in poverty around the world (YL is apart of so many wonderful organizations), it has also given me resources to learn, like Stewart’s book. It has started me on a journey that I cannot turn my back on, and not because I am forced to but because I know enough now to know that I don’t want to return to my old lifestyle. It’s something I cannot be quiet about because I know everyone could benefit from this. We all have our own story about what caused or is causing us to think twice about our health. For me it was my skin. For a great portion of my life I suffered with severe acne. I was prescribed by doctors to take the harshest medication on the market (my acne was so bad a few years ago that my skin was turning blue and purple). It cleared my face quickly and I didn’t have acne for a couple of years, but I was left with the side effects. And my acne began to return last year with the same signs of having the potential to become just as bad. The doctors warned me this would happen and that I may have to go through a second treatment, but my kidneys were in the “danger zone” last time I was taking the meds and the sensitivity in my skin was so bad that I couldn’t imagine doing it again. They had no answers for why I had this sort of acne, just guesses. So I’ve been making the ultimate choice to go the natural route. The essential oils have really helped keep my acne at bay from increasing into severe acne, thank goodness! But the never ending struggle of black heads has caused me to do a lot of research, and it was through Young Living’s resources addressing the issue of toxins that began the research about how toxins are trying to escape my body through my skin. This has led me to discover that I need to detox my liver and support my enzymes that are harmed by toxins. Not only did I need essential oils to help flush toxins, but I needed to change my diet. Anddddd not only do toxins affect my skin, it affects my gut which affects EVERYTHING — my energy, my strength, my moods, my hormones, my immune system, my brain, etc. I had another friend who recommended I start taking collagen everyday to help the sensitivity in my skin (which I have been taking for a month so far and my sensitivity has decreased tremendously!), and this caused me to find Thrive Market. Thrive Market has allowed me to change my diet and buy products more affordably. I have only been using it for a month, yet that’s all I’ve needed to recognize that I can change my lifestyle at a good pace. Change doesn’t happen overnight, especially when it comes to health; however, each change is beneficial. Sometimes we are not emotionally affected by things until we are physically and mentally affected, and once we are affected emotionally, physically, and mentally don't we dare ever doubt that it won’t affect us spiritually. We need these four important aspects of our personal selves to be healthy so we can live the life we were meant to live. There are people, companies, and resources out there willing to help you. For me it has been Young Living and Thrive Market. Do yourself a favor: go buy a couple of essential oils from Young Living and/or try a 30 day free trial with Thrive Market. Just do it. Just start. Each change is beneficial, each change is a positive step away from negativity. And I promise that you will learn more about yourself, and not just your physical self. To order oils, go to https://www.youngliving.com and once you proceed to the checkout you can sign up as a member or a retail customer and once they ask who referred you, you can put my ID number ( 10768741 ) in the Enroller ID section. In the My Sponsor ID section you can put the ID number of whoever you want to assist you on this journey, which can also be me! To sign up with Thrive Market, you can click on this link to go their website: http://thrv.me/morningswithalicehealth Then download their amazing app, which I absolutely love! What’s amazing about these two companies is that they greatly reward people who get others involved, like I am doing right now, so that it makes it easier and easier to pursue a healthy lifestyle change. Their goal is to get everyone essential oils and healthy products so that everyone can live a better life. I am still on a journey to health. I am no where near having all the answers. I haven’t even seen the full potential of my healing in all of this, but I have all the confidence in the world knowing I am closer than I was before. That’s why I am writing this and sharing it with you. I will keep posting my findings and how I am growing, but I also want to hear from you! Have questions on how to start with Young Living or Thrive Market? Ask me in the comments! Have suggestions or advise? I am always open to learning! The best part about this journey is the community it has allowed me to meet and grow with, so let’s not give up. Let’s keep going even when we don’t find our destination or goal right away. Let’s be determined to find a balance of health, not just so we have a “balance of health” but so we can live out our destiny.
Of course, I have to share with you all an Alice in Wonderland quote, because…. Well, because that’s what I do. Anyway, I love this section of Through the Looking-Glass; it reminds me to persevere no matter what gets thrown at me because, gosh darn it, finding that “garden” is worth it! “I should see the garden far better,” said Alice to herself, “if I could get to the top of that hill: and here’s a path that leads straight to it—at least, no, it doesn’t do that—“ (after going a few yards along the path, and turning several sharp corners), “but I suppose it will at last. But how curiously it twists! It’s more like a corkscrew than a path! Well, this turn goes to the hill, I suppose—no, it doesn’t! This goes straight back to the house! Well then, I’ll try the other way.” And so she did: wandering up and down, and trying turn after turn, but always coming back to the house, do what she would. Indeed, once, when she turned a corner rather more quickly than usual, she ran against it before she could stop herself. “It’s no use talking about it,” Alice said, looking up at the house and pretending it was arguing with her. “I’m not going in again yet. I know I should have to get through the looking-glass again—back into the old room—and there’d be an end of all my adventures!” So, resolutely turning her back upon the house, she set out once more down the path, determined to keep straight on till she got to the hill. ~ Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass, p. 85
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Who are you?" said the Caterpillar. This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, "I--I hardly know, sir, just at present -- at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then." "What do you mean by that?" said the Caterpillar sternly. "Explain yourself!" "I can't explain myself, I am afraid, sir," said Alice, "because I'm not myself, you see." "I don't see," said the Caterpillar. I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly," Alice replied very politely, "for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being many different sizes in a day is very confusing." ~ Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, p. 23 I think I can safely say that we don't always need a strange Caterpillar, smoking a hookah, to remind us of our own inner struggle. "Who are you?" is a question I believe we all have asked ourselves more than once. We all have a past and a present. We all have a future. We have picked different paths over the years and we have followed them to find ourselves standing where we are today. I don't know about you, but it is very easy for me to think that who I am today is who I will be tomorrow. Yet, there have been reoccurring moments where I've had to answer the Caterpillar inside of me, only to respond with Alice's same statement: "I hardly know, sir." One of the easiest ways to see who you really are is to recognize what sort of dreams your heart creates. It reveals our selfishness, our kindness, our perspective, our desperation, our faith, our cares, our individuality, our growth. Since the beginning of 2015, I have been asking myself and God how I should dream. In other words, I've been asking how I should be as a person. Wow, what a life altering question.... It's led me on a journey that has taken me over some of the most painful decisions but the most exciting and life-giving future. Over two years ago, I meant to finish my blog series on past, present, and future but I never reached the topic of future..... Well, that figures! These three brackets of time that build our lives have been on my mind for a long time, future being the hardest one. Although I am no where near having all my questions answered, God has been slowly (oh, it's been slow all right!) teaching me some principles that I need to keep in focus as I look towards the future. I hope sharing these principles with you doesn't come across as me necessarily giving advise, because these are things I need to write down to keep me learning, reminded, and accountable. These intentional mentalities He has shown me are not something I've learned over night. I meant to write this post over two years ago! And, yet, God knew there was more I needed to write, not just to you but mostly myself. The image of wandering through a mad Wonderland couldn't be more accurate than it is now! I am going to introduce you to a woman named Robyn Davidson. You very possibly may have never heard of her. In 1977, she made a historic trek across Australia's Western desert to the Indian Ocean with four camels (Dookie, Bub, Zeleika, and Goliath) and a dog (Diggity). It was a 1700 mile trip succeeded in six months. Her trip was sponsored by National Geographic and photographed by Rick Smolan, causing her to become well-known as the "camel lady" in the '70s. Not only was her trip historic for allowing the first person to successfully cross the Western desert with camels, but she brought much awareness to the mistreatment of Aboriginals. I first heard about Davidson around a year and a half ago when I watched the movie based on her trip, Tracks (2013). I was immediately captivated. I mean who wouldn't love a woman who beat the odds by riding camels, who became an icon during the hippie era for NatGeo, and used her influence to bring awareness to the beautiful Australian Aboriginals?! A few months later, I saw the book From Alice to Ocean (a compilation of Davidson's autobiography and Smolan's photographs; it's also the book I am sharing with you in the photos) available for silent auction at a library. I put my price and number down, and waited earnestly for the call. Something deep down inside of me knew there was something about her story that God was trying to teach me about my own. Welp, I won that book and it was one of the most influential reads (and intake of fantastic pictures!) of my life. It still is. What was so shocking about her when I read the book was that she had no real purpose for taking this trip! She had no idea why she wanted to do it, besides the need for peace and self-discovery. She needed to get away to do that, and she knew it well. The only reason why she allowed National Geographic to get involved was because she needed the money for resources. The first half of her trip was strictly held to a schedule, based all upon a clock. She'd wake up at a certain time, feed the camels and dog at a certain time, pack up at a certain time, hit the road at a certain time, etc and etc. She was falling upon a mentality she had learned in a fast-paced world. And she had good reason to be on a schedule -- she wanted to finish the trip before the hottest months of summer. It's no joke to be in Australia during this scalding hot season! However, various issues caused her to fall behind on schedule over and over again. Also, she was hardly finding any peace and self-discovery; she was just becoming more doubtful of the trip. These fall-backs did not leave her with much time to go around the sacred grounds of the Aboriginals. The problem was that women were not allowed to go without an Aboriginal guide. Thankfully, one agreed to go with her, whom she called Mr. Eddie. This portion of the trip was her absolute favorite, and also where she learned the most about herself. You see, Mr. Eddie led her through the sacred grounds on a way different schedule than a clock -- he was in tune with nature, sensitive to the weather, surroundings, and the sun's rotation. He was also in tune to the needs of rest from both humans and animals, while taking advantage of the energy spikes in everyone to go longer distances. What Davidson learned from all of this is simply but brilliantly summed up in these two sentences: "In different places, survival requires different things, based on the environment. Capacity for survival may be the ability to be changed by environment." What she means by this statement, if put in context, is that we are going to face environments in our lives that are going to stretch, pull, lengthen, test, and grow us. They may even make us feel on the brink of survival. Yet, to do this successfully, they require a specific pace in the time given to us, so that we may absorb the development intended for our victorious survival. Here’s where I put in my two cents: God has given us promises if we are willing to take hold of them and each promise leads us on a journey to our future, our destiny. And on this journey we will experience mass amounts of environments (physically, spiritually, and emotionally) that all individually require a particular response to time. Some environments will ask us to keep up with a fast ticking clock. Others will ask us to slow down and watch the sun’s rotations. There will be others varying in-between these two extremes. The promises God gives for our lives don’t demand us to know who we will be in our future, but they do supernaturally require that we surrender to the changes they will do to our person. I've applied what she has learned in my own life (not perfectly, and I need to constantly remind myself... which is why I am writing this post). I've implemented it to the promises God has given me and the environments these promises have led me through. It has been extremely hard at times but, today, I am SO grateful that I was diligent. And this is where I share with you one of those promises. In 2015 I decided I no longer wanted my own dreams, I wanted God's. I was sick of what my dreams were showing about myself; I wanted a new heart, His purpose, the destiny I was created for. So, God responded with a promise that also became a calling. You see, Robyn Davidson's journey started from a town called Alice Springs, which I find very interesting since my blog includes the name Alice. And not only that, my own destiny was leading me to the Ocean. Well, more like across the ocean. God's promise was calling me to someday leave my home, my family, and my country to intern with a non-profit ministry called The House of Grace in New Zealand, on the north island! This ministry helps pregnant teenage girls with housing, education, spiritual growth, emotional support, necessities throughout their pregnancy and birthing process, and a family dynamic that they can keep in contact with forever. They have two homes and have helped over 100 girls. I was interviewed via Skype in summer 2015 and accepted into their internship program! I committed myself for six months with their ministry, but with the hopes that I would be able to complete their year long internship. However, I had to finish college and raise up funds first. Around that time, I thought I would have everything set to go and be on a plane crossing the ocean in March 2017.... That was two months ago. I was to learn it wouldn't be that easy. The beginning of 2016 was when I began to wake up to the reality of constant barriers. I at first became extremely discouraged, but then decided to focus on what environments the promise was taking me through. What were these environments requiring of me? What was the pace they were asking? I wanted to rush, rush, rush through life to get to New Zealand; I had a clocked schedule, an appointment on the calendar. Yet, college was the only thing the promise was requiring me to hustle through. Everything else needed a way slower pace. God even had me stop working so I could focus on finishing college, continue for a time with Bible school at my church, and doing ministry. On top of it all, He wanted to deal with some painful things, especially my panic attacks that I thought were no longer an issue. The painfully slow paces in my variety of environments allowed God to work. I became free from the panic attacks, I resolved some things from the past, I learned a ton about people and ministry, and I graduated college in January. And right when I thought I could jump right into a job and finally pay off debt while saving for NZ, God stopped me and said, "The promise still has more to require of you before you reach it." I've been going through some even slower paces and even deeper junk to work through since January. Holy crapppppp 2017, give me a break! What the heck does all this mean? It means, like Robyn, I am learning more about myself and more about my purpose. I haven't quite finished the journey that started with Alice Springs (Mornings with Alice) and I haven't quite reached the Indian Ocean (New Zealand), but I am listening to the environments that God's promise has led me and obeying the slow paces; it is all leading me to my destined future. I'll get to New Zealand in the perfect timing, and I am now finally making some serious plans to move forward. I just have to be like Mr. Eddie: be in tune with nature, sensitive to the weather, surroundings, and the sun's rotation... Well, something like that. There's a promise that I have to keep listening to, a promise never changing that is the foundation for my dreams. Eventually, Robyn Davidson did reach the Indian Ocean successfully. All her camels survived (however, her loyal dog died from finding a littered bottle of poison…. it was the worst part of her trip), and she made the cover of National Geographic magazines all over the world. She not only found peace and self-discovery, but she also found purpose in her trip: to share what she has learned to bring awareness to the mistreatment of Australian Aboriginals. There is so much more I could share about her trip and her life, but this blog post is already getting super long. I greatly recommend watching the movie, reading the books, and looking at all the wonderful pictures (many you can find online). This was kinda scary for me to share with the world, but God said it was time. He even confirmed it yesterday when I was at a consignment store -- I saw this beautifully painted map of New Zealand (pictured below). Let me end with this: Our future is very uncertain to us, but it is very certain to Him. Time doesn't define you, God's promises define you. It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas and a New Year is just around the corner. For some, this is grand news because 2014 has been full of unnecessary or difficult events. For others though, this is a sorrowful reality because 2014 has been full of great memories. Also, there may be those who have a mix of grand and sorrowful feelings. 2014 has been an interesting year for them. Whichever one your story has become, 2014 is still our present reality. We still have a half of December left! Yet, I think a lot of us are already looking towards the future or the past. It is sort of a natural reaction, probably because it is a date in time that the whole world evolves around if we admit it or not. However, before you jump right into "past and future destinations that we all must join in on" let me encourage you to remember that not everything is about charging into action; sometimes we need to have a period where we wait. So exciting right? I don't know why but the very word "wait" results to the insides of my brain doing this bubbling thing, mostly known today as frustration. It just irritates me. I like to get things done immediately, unless I really do not feel up to the challenge at the moment. This usually leads me to getting burned out. Over this year, I have started to believe everyone needs a time of waiting at one point or another, because trying to do everything ourselves on our own strength just does not work. Trust me I have tried... way more than once. Actually, there use to be a time I succeeded at getting things accomplished on my own, until I recognized it really did not amount to anything purposeful without God in it. When I gave myself over to Him, I no longer could do things on my own strength. It was really weird and really frustrating, especially when God said "wait" on Him. I think that has been the majority of my year of 2014 -- waiting. Waiting on God for His perfect timing, in His strength to do the impossible. It is only when I have come to the realization that He has an indescribable majestic plan that needs my very person to faithfully wait on Him that I have found it worth doing, no matter how long I have to wait. It is actually the only time I really can comprehend He even has a plan! When I am not standing still for a moment in my life I completely miss it and just keep doing my worthless busy stupidity, which is sadly the only thing the world will determine what I am worth. Am I still waiting? Yep. What am I waiting for? A dream. A vision. A destiny that God has given me to hold on to, one that I can in no way do on my own planning and efforts. I am waiting on God to tell me what to do when He finds it is the right time. In the meantime I am just doing what He has already called me to -- college and my job at background acting. I am tired of school and I am ready to do more than being in the way back of a camera's view, yet I must continue to be faithful with where He has me at the moment. I am far from being perfect at this. Thankfully, my Lord is still faithful to me. He is willing to give me the strength to wait as well.
Part of your present life in this December of yours may need some waiting in it, or it already is. Maybe you have a dream that you want to see come to pass or prayer request that needs answering. Sometimes God has go through that waiting period before we see results. That could be a hard reality for many, but God never sees it as a waste of time even though our world sees it as so. We are always going, going, going. Maybe you are starting to be burned out, like I have been many a time. Do not be surprised. Maybe God is whispering to you, "Wait, wait on Me. I have the perfect plan. Stop trying to do this on your own strength. I can make it miraculous if you let Me." That is hard for us hard working Americans, but don't forget how we became America in the first place -- He in His timing made it a nation when our forefathers prayerfully waited on His strength. In Genesis, we can read about a young man called Joseph who waited years in an Egyptian prison, waiting on God to release him. In waiting, God prepared him to serve the Pharaoh who would make him the second in power to the whole Ancient world of his time. Wow. I believe it was worth the wait, because there is no way Joseph could have done that on his own. It was all God. My 2014 has been a very precious year to me, even with all its troubles. Yes, it was full of waiting but I have learned so much from it. When I began to enjoy the learning process, I became blessed. If I could relive 2014 I would. Perhaps you wouldn't, but give over your little bit left of December to God and see what He has in store for you. You just may learn to enjoy it. "Have you guessed the riddle yet?" the Hatter said, turning to Alice again. "No, I give it up," Alice replied. "What's the answer?" "I haven't the slightest idea," said the Hatter. "Nor I," said the March Hare. Alice sighed wearily. "I think you might do something better with the time," she said, "than wasting it in asking riddles that have no answers." ~ Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, pg. 81-82 I just let go And I feel exposed But it’s so beautiful Because this is who I am ~ Plumb It has been a long six months of not being vulnerable through this blog. I must admit when I started at the beginning of the year it was quite scary just putting my thoughts where anyone could read about who I am striving to become. It definitely made me more accountable to work on those areas of my life, but sometimes I felt overwhelmed with how God was using it. There were times I felt like He was pushing me off a cliff and expecting me to know how to fly already. His strong but tender words “Trust Me” were not always reassuring, especially when the other voices around me were louder. Without even trying, I stopped posting and I believe it was all part of His plan. I needed these six months to think about the little blog “series” I had said I would write: past, present, and future. I wrote in April about the importance of having a past and why it is important to measure how far we have come. Present was supposed to come next, but I was very intimidated by the very word because I had no idea how to talk about it. I had always wondered why many people write about how to learn from the past and how to plan for the future, but skipping on the “how” with the present. Now I have known why. This time has allowed me to figure out I had no idea what to do in my very own present circumstances. God used this sudden awareness and took me through a six month adventure where “I come from under the hill, and under the hills and over the hills my paths led. And through the air. I am (s)he that walks unseen.”(The Hobbit, p. 204). However, now I will take off my golden ring so that you may clearly see what my journey has entailed. Instead of writing a long post that could go on forever, I have persuaded this full-brimmed mind of mine to divide my discoveries on the idea of living in the present into several posts. What I think is most important to write about first, however, is the fact that we all live in different circumstances. It is true. We all live in different circumstances and we all get affected by them. This undeniable reality has been one of the very many reasons why we use the well-known word of our society -- tolerance. Today it is extremely hard to talk of one’s morals or beliefs without someone in the crowd announcing that we need more tolerance. Now I am not trying to get into the whole debate on how much tolerance needs to be given on anything, but I am trying to make a point of what our society is saying. We are at a point where we are recognizing that everyone has a different story and what their circumstances have been, are, and will make up who they are. Therefore, we have concluded that the other person is in no position to tell the other how they should live their life since they cannot fully relate. Now let’s look at my circumstances these past six months. I am a college student who studies online and has a job on the side doing background acting. I live at home with my parents and am a very stubborn person. Add all the factors of me being stressed with grades, working in a Hollywood world, a young adult under parental authority, and a personality not the easiest for everyone to get along with. Bam. Life can get pretty tough on my side of the hill.... quite quickly! I was learning new ideas and new habits through everything around me while trying to keep with the morals and beliefs I had called my own. It was a season of me trying to fit everything into a healthy perspective. Through these circumstances God had to teach me more than what I wanted to be taught. By doing this I had to go through a process where all my yucky insides showed itself to the world. I became really frustrated and disgusted with myself on many occasions, especially since I am not a person who happily volunteers to be made vulnerable all the time. Yet, through the various tests and trials I was able to see who I really was and where I needed much work done in my life. Sadly, sometimes that is what it takes to get me to see who I really am and the cost at times is hurting those around me. Thank goodness for a merciful God. The most important thing I learned about circumstances other than God using them to make us grow was the realization that my circumstances do not define me. They do not define me. Do not. Unless I allow them to. By making the decision to believe that God is greater than my circumstances and can rise me above them is where my identity lies. Yes, I went through some hard lessons in my circumstances but I had to listen to God and let Him tell me that He had a vision greater for my life than my stress, my confusion, my struggles, and even myself. There is so much hope in that realization. Once I started to adopt this belief about having an identity in who God was making me become rather than where I am now, confidence was my new friend. I was more confident in becoming that vision He created, while understanding that my trials are truly blessings. Through my present circumstances of these past six months, I have discovered a very creative side of me I never saw before. I now believe I can do anything if I have God’s blessing. Some days I am not so enthusiastic, but it is a journey I am still trying to hike through. One of my favorite quotes was said by my Pastor, who has been such an immense influence in my life: “If you are not passing the test in your world, you don’t get a bigger world.” God uses our circumstances to make us grow into the person we are to become, but they do not define who we are unless we allow them to. What are your present circumstances? How are you presently dealing with them? Walt Disney is a great man to observe in this scenario. As a young man he had many failures as a cartoonist, but “he had an imperishable optimism that allowed him to overcome failure” (Walt Disney: An American Original, p.15). He never let his failures define who he was and was to become. Years later he told an engineer who was being shown the Disneyland proposal and claiming it to be impossible, “You know better than to kill an idea without giving it a chance to live. We set our sights high. That’s why we accomplish so many things. Now go back and try again” (p.263). We do not have to be who the world believes they have to tolerate. We can be who God created us to be; be a greater person than what we see at the moment because we refuse to allow our circumstances to define who we are.
"There were doors all around the hall, but they were all locked; and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other; trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to get out again. Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid glass: there was nothing on it but a tiny golden key, and Alice's first idea was that this might belong to one of the doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second time around, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!" ~ Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, pg.16-17 I had owned horses for about 5 or 6 years a couple of years ago. Giving them up was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, because horses were my dream and passion ever since I was a little girl. There was a time in my life that I prayed every night for a horse when lo and behold God answered my prayers several years later. He now has taken them out of my life for a reason, but there is not a day that goes by that I do not miss them. Horses have taught me a lot about life. Especially one mare I rescued, which I named Summer Wind, who dealt with abuse issues that needed a lot of work. I trained her in a round pen for a long time before I took her out on the trails. She was very head shy - meaning she did not like anything near her head. Among numerous things, making her not head shy was my main goal. Finally, that issue was solved in the round pen so I started taking her out on the trails, but she quickly threw away her training and went back to her bad habits because of the new setting. She would fling her head and try to bolt whenever some plastic bag flew by, another horse was near her, a random branch was close, etc. Summer Wind's story reminds me of a story about some fishermen. Their job was to get fish and sell it to the markets. Except Jesus had showed up one day and asked them to become His disciples, which they did until He died on a cross for the sins of all man kind. In John 21, after seeing Jesus once only for a brief moment after He rose from the grave, it says these fishermen went right back to fishing for fish, when Jesus had taught them to be fishermen of men. Yet, they were in a new setting from their training - they had no Jesus constantly with them; they were no longer in the round pen like Summer Wind… they were now on the trail. They went out and immediately got into the boat, and that night they caught nothing. But when the morning had now come, Jesus stood on the shore; yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. Then Jesus said to them, "Children, have you any food?" They answered Him, "No." And He said to them, "Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and you shall find some." So they cast, and now they were not able to draw it in because of the multitude of fish. ~ John 21:3-6 Trust me, there is nothing wrong with fishing. Yet, if you read this in context you realize that Jesus was trying to teach them an important principle: that they can no longer do the things they use to do independently without Him. Also, He had a bigger plan for them now - to point others towards the Kingdom of God. I do not believe they went out to fish just because they wanted some fish, but because it was easier to go back to what they were use to doing before Jesus called them to be His disciples. Summer Wind did the exact same thing with me. She was still attached to her old habit of being head shy so when the pressure of a new atmosphere hit her, it was just easier to return to flinging her head or bolt instead of remaining calm and focusing on just listening to my queues. This can be an answer to why many of us repeat our failures. We try to forget the past, but it always seems to find its way back into our remembrance because we see ourselves repeating it in numerous ways. Or maybe we were really good at something, but seem to be losing our "touch." I have a good example of this. I use to be really good at managing my time with school - I would get assignments done even if it meant taking up my whole week with just school; I was really committed. I then asked God to be more involved in my life, including school. Things went well as usual, until I hit rock bottom a couple of times. I am again just recently at that rock bottom stage - I am not managing my time well, which means school is not getting accomplished like I would like it. I have become unmotivated. Just a couple of days ago I looked at the quote I have had pinned on my bedroom wall for like forever by Martin Luther: Work, work from early till late. In fact I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer. I have surrendered my college life to God, but I still have been relying on myself to get it done; I have been a fisherman going out to fish, expecting that I can still do it independently when I have given it to Him. What is wrong with this thinking? Well, you see, I was thinking with my own head, not spiritually. I have been convincing myself that I can do things like I have always done before, which is independently. Except now…. it is through His Spirit that I must do all things. For some of us, like me, that is a hard reality. I like doing things my own way with my own ideas. However, God has something way more grand for me. That does not mean I will now do things perfectly, but I know He is in control because I made a decision to make worshipping Him my first priority. He is the one who allows me to catch fish in my net. Jesus Himself made sure that He was doing what the Father wanted, the way the Father wanted: I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and My judgement is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent me. (John 5:30) My Pastor has said, "I know sometimes it just feels impossible to change, but it is not impossible for Him to change you." That starts not only with allowing Him in your life, but being vulnerable. I have really hated that word, but I am beginning to understand that using it as an action can be the first step to handing over your independence to the One who cares for you more than you could ever care for yourself. The action that is possibly more challenging than being vulnerable is leaning in closer to God when the pain or difficulty hits, rather than turning away. Maybe I will not experience motivation anytime soon for my studies, but I will know that I gave my best by first worshipping Him and doing my best with what I have now. What I must remember is that growing in my relationship with Him and having Him build my character is what will matter the most at the end of the day. It is all about the journey! The good news is that, with time, I was able to work more with Summer Wind and she became the best horse I ever owned. There are definitely very few horses that I have ridden that come close to matching her ability of being attentive to the rider, even if that is a little child. The most wonderful and beautiful thing about having a past full of hardships and pain is the fact that it is your story, your journey - it is what has made you who you are now, while also allowing others to learn and be inspired by it. What part of your past still haunts you? Is it not time to hand it over to a God who can use it to make you more than a fisherman of scaly fish but a fisherman of soul filled people? I learned that I can no longer do anything without Him doing it in me and that makes me relieved, because who could fix my issues and build my dreams better than God? No one. Alice, after experiencing a mad, sad, crazy, lunatic Wonderland, still had a perspective that she had had a wonderful dream. She had experienced pain and sorrow; she discovered that she was not capable of doing even the simplest of things; she was changed from the little girl who she was before the journey, but it was still to her a wonderful dream... Why? Because she was given experiences that only she herself could have experienced - a past that she could learn from. She made it her story so that she could grow into someone more than she was at present.
"Wake up, Alice dear!" said her sister. "Why, what a long sleep you've had!" "Oh, I've had such a curious dream!" said Alice. And she told her sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange Adventures of hers that you have just been reading about; and, when she had finished, her sister kissed her, and said "It was a curios dream, dear, certainly; but now run in to your tea: it's getting late." So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well as she might, what a wonderful dream it had been. ~Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, pg. 141-142 I am like a glass cup. To a thirsty wonderer I am of no use, no matter how pretty because I do not satisfy when empty. However, when I am filled with water I begin to live out my purpose and thus am able to represent what I was meant to represent. It is very easy to fill oneself with anything but pure water these days. An article from The Economist says that about 1 billion people are in need of a decent water supply. Water is one of the most valuable things on earth and it is dwindling. We can fill our glasses with any liquid, but the most life giving would be water. This picture of my glass cup reminds me of a life, while the water represents a decision. Whatever is in it is our past. Whatever we are pouring in is our present. Whatever we are going to pour in is our future. To help further answer the question "When does life start?" that I mentioned in my first blog post Purpose, Perfection, and a Footman I want to discuss it in my next three posts. I believe it is important to think about learning from the past, enjoying the present, and preparing for the future. Yes, I do NOT know it all about these three phases of life, but I can at least share what I have learned and what I plan to learn. Life is a tricky one and we all our very confused by it. In the t.v. show PBS Masterpiece series Downton Abbey, the character called Grannie or cousin Violet says, "Life is a game in which the player must appear ridiculous." I love that line because it really ties into the idea of Alice in a mad Wonderland. So we pretty much are filling our cups with ridiculousness, but is it life giving? One thing I have noticed about Alice is that when she is trying to discover who she is or trying to figure out where exactly she is, a sort of deliriousness takes over her, but only when she stops to discover the needs and problems of other characters does she find some answers in the ridiculousness in Wonderland. A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went nearer to watch them…
"Would you tell me, please," said Alice, a little timidly, "why you are painting those roses?" Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began, in a low voice, "Why, the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a red rose-tree, and we put a white one in mistake; and, if the Queen was to find out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know." Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, pg. 91 If you know me, you would know I am quite a busy person. I never seem to have free time to just be "lazy," although there are times I try to and later end up paying for it. A few years ago it use to be quite the opposite and I seriously could not wait for my life to start up again. While there are times I miss my quiet days, I wish I used them differently. If I was given the grand opportunity again I would do the things I never have time for today. Even though I do miss my so called lazy days, I really like staying busy. If I am not excited about what I am busy with currently I will begin to dream of being busy with something else. I believe I began to think positively of a busy life when reality hit me - this is the only life I have on this Earth (or on the Moon, if I move there like when I am fifty or something). Because busyness can get us sidetracked with what is important, just being occupied with anything is not always wise. Being occupied with what is life giving is the key to living a full life. Trust me, there is a difference between being occupied with random busy and purposeful busy, and even with purposeful busy we all need breaks to rejuvenate. What is life giving? I believe it has to do with perspective, and not so much our own perspective but with God's, which means we would need to look at His view on life. "In the beginning God created the earth…" okay, okay… we have all heard that. Yet, have we all thought about why He created it? Simple - for His own glory and purpose. God meant for us to be the ones He utilized to bring life (not just having a heart pumping kind of life, but things that make life worth living). That means we were made with a purpose! For me that is very exciting, because my life has value, so therefore my time here will only be wasted if I allow it to be. My church, Water of Life, is like no other church I have ever been to. I use to think living for God was mostly boring and just plain hard to do, but WOL gave me a whole new perspective - God's perspective: life is an adventure. Adventure is full of daring journeys, weary valleys, dark forests, crazy characters…. No I am not just talking about Wonderland here to give you a visual. I am also talking about real life - a guy named Joshua who I really believe lived once and who had to face real giants. If you have seen the cast for the movie The Prince's Bride then you know giants do and have existed before. Even though there were giants in the land promised to him and the millions with him, God said "Every place on which the sole of your feet treads, I have given it to you" (Joshua 1:3). To be honest, if God told me that a land full of giants was to be mine someday… I do not think I would leap for joy. I would probably have a heart attack and think God is crazy. Besides the crazy facts, Joshua took a risk and believed God. Not just taking a risk on idea though, but with God's idea. I think it is safe to say we all take a risk by busy with multiple things. That can be a positive risk if it is God's idea. One of the things my church has done recently is give us devotional packets based off the motto Pressing in because people matter…. Someone who has made himself/herself anonymous paid for everyone's devotional. That may not sound like a big deal until you realize we have about 16,000 people who come to Water of Life. Yikes. Also, our books have a removable leather cover over it so we can switch our 30 day devotional with the next 30 day devotional when we finish the first. This person put a lot of money down to do this for our church. Yet, we have many people who do this for numerous things, and if it is not their money it is their time. Why? Because they know it is a life giving church - they are investing and taking risks in something that matters. Just because it is a church does not make it worthwhile. It is because this church is focused on showing people who God really is: loving, just, and merciful. When you invest in people, you change the world. I have been reading my Pastor's (Dan Carroll) blogs that he sends every day to go with our 30 day devotional, mostly focused on the book of Joshua. Each devotion and each blog is not what many of us would think - boring words telling us to read our Bibles and pray - telling us "churchy" words, as Pastor Dan likes to call it. Instead they are simple heart filled reminders to stay in the adventure with God and to not live life as we see it with our understanding, but in faith believing that God is going to make life out of our pain and sacrifices. We can do the impossible, we can be busy with the things that count, we can live with hope no matter what we giants we face. It is all about looking with God's perspective - living for what is life giving. One risk I want to take is by declaring the very fact that I need to be more joyful. It is a risk for me because I am putting myself in a vulnerable spot. I hate being vulnerable. However, I want to grow more than I enjoy despising vulnerability, and so if the very thing I hate helps me grow.. then I'll take the risk applying it. Therefore, I am going to as of now admit I need to work on being more joyful.
There are many things in my life that I have become bitter against. Yet, there are many things that I have used as a learning opportunity; the pain and disadvantages have allowed me to understand myself and others better. The things I struggle with now still have to be conquered. I have many dragons in my life which I thought were already slain or tamed for better purposes. Some of those dragons I still have to discover - I have a journey before me full of risks, but once completed will be of the very essence of life giving. I notice that it is hard to do any two things at once, but it is impossible to be mad and happy at the same time, while even more so to follow God's adventures while dragging yourself through your own. "I wish I could manage to be glad!" the [White] Queen said. "Only I never can remember the rule. You must be very happy, living in this wood, and being glad whenever you like!" "Only it is so very lonely here!" Alice said in a melancholy voice; and at the thought of her loneliness two large tears came rolling down her cheeks. "Oh, don't go on like that!" cried the poor Queen, wringing her hands in despair. "Consider what a great girl you are. Consider what o'clock it is. Consider anything, only don't cry!" Alice could not help laughing at this, even in the midst of her tears. "Can you keep from crying by considering things?" she asked. "That's the way it's done," the Queen said with great decision; "nobody can do two things at once, you know…." ~Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking-Glass, pg. 206 This morning, just like I have been doing most mornings through this new year (which is not very new anymore), I read a devotion from Every Day with Jesus, Forty Years of Favorite Devotions, which was written and given to me as a gift from Greg Laurie. What I love about this devotional is that he wrote it like I was there having a very real conversation with him. Not that I do not love fancy words, but when I am starting my day I need a simple reminder of the reality of life and God, especially when it comes to the tough stuff. Down to earth conversations are important. Anyways, I wanted to share part of the devotion I read yesterday morning with you: "When He had taken the scroll, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell before the Lamb, each having a harp, and golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints." (Revelations 5:8) There are times when life just doesn't seem fair. Things happen that don't make sense, and we wonder why God didn't answer our prayer. But He will answer your prayer - in His way, for His glory, in His time. When we are in heaven and are standing before God's throne, and when those gold bowls, full of prayers, are brought before us, we will realize that God heard every little prayer that we prayed. And I think we also will understand that His answer was far better than what we asked for in the moment. Not only does God keep our tears in a bottle (see Psalm 56:8), but He also keeps our prayers in a bowl. God never throws our prayers away. He stores them for us. ~Greg Laurie "Once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice, 'without pictures or conversations?'"
Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, pg. 13 Does anyone have an answer for a well thought question - when does life really start? No, I am not thinking as in when we are first conceived or born, but when does it… you know... start to take-off, to descend as we had hoped or dreamed; when life begins to fit into place and we are able to pursue what we have been waiting for? |
AuthorHello, I am Christiana! Archives
May 2017
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